Colon Spasms Trigger Warning: mental health stuff

[Mariah]

Hi all, 

First I want to thank the creators of this forum for a safe space to speak on these things. 

Next, I would like to share a bit about my story. 

I am 25 year old, female. I noticed my stomach issues becoming a problem when I began to have oily, mucous like stools that sometimes passed when I wasn't trying like at work. A couple months after that, in December 2021 during finals week I experienced my first colon spasm. So severe and intense, I truly thought I was dying. Stayed in the hospital for 4 days where they did a colonoscopy and endoscopy. Found signs of IBS and a hiatal hernia, nothing too serious. Since then, I've traveled across state lines (I'm in USA Appalachia very rural) to try to get answers. It all comes down to lower stress and eat low fodmap. 

I'm thousands of dollars in medical debt and still suffering. I had a laproscopy (spelling?) surgery done (only surgery i've had) where they found significant adhesions around my colon and intestines. When they flare up, they cause partial blockages that result in colon spasms from being backed up. During that time I can't even pass gas. 

Since then, I have lost 50 lbs, mind you I'm very tall and always been skinny. Now I'm... just weak. I don't eat. I'm scared to eat. I lost my appetite so long ago. When I do eat, it's usually a couple local eggs and a piece of gluten free toast a day as that's the only thing that doesn't kill me. 

I want to try to get on disability and start my healing journey as my central nervous system is in shambles. Working full time is making my IBS significantly worse. I know I need time to relax, breathe, and figure out some things. Has anyone had any luck with IBS and disability in the US? I don't know what else to do. I'm extremely suicidal at this point... always have been tbh and now it's even worse. IBS is going to take my life and reading all of these older people on these forums say it only gets worse with age really makes me feel awful. 

Any advice? I'm getting to the point where my days are numbered.