Effect of ibs-c on myself

[AnnaR0se]

I’ve had ibs-c for as long as I could remember. It was really bad for most of my childhood and instead of going to a doctor my mom would threaten me with a doctor (I had a fear of doctors because of this constant threatening of them) instead of actually taking me to one. I would get sick for a week about once a year where that week would consist of constant intake of large bottles of Gatorade and melted jello packets. I would be taking in CUPS of miralax a day until I could finally go to the bathroom. I was in elementary and middle school at the time and the effect this has on your mind is insane. I hated myself for the fact that I wasn’t like anyone else in the sense that I couldn’t go to the bathroom. During my freshman year of highschool I got sick again for a week and my mom started coming up with things like how I might have a blood disease that will kill me (I have another fear of needles and had never gotten my blood tested until this year (4 years after this)) I spent the days drinking cups of miralax in apple juice, water, and sparse amounts of actual food. We actually tried one day where we had Mexican with my close friend at the time, to which it didn’t do anything. My birthday was that week as well and I wanted to go to school for my birthday, as well as music ensemble. I only managed to be able to go to music ensemble because the day before my birthday we decided to do an enema and try to get it over with. This was only my second enema ever, as the first one was a small children’s enema which had a penguin on the cover. We couldn’t even get the liquid inside of me because of how blocked up I was. Laying on the bathroom floor crying as an about-to-be 15 year old girl while your mom is trying to squirt an enema into your butt is the most destroying and agonizing feeling in the world. I was so embarrassed of myself and my body. We managed to clear out the blockage which was met with comments and “jokes” over how big my movement was. I was hurt by this and still am and it’s driven me into ditches over how much my ego and self-worth has been destroyed over these instances. I stand here today as a newly highschool graduate, who is starting trade school at the end of august in an old but familiar town an hour and a half away from home, having to give myself an enema for the 4th time  because I’m in so much pain over not being able to simply go to the bathroom. I need to see a gastroenterologist but our bottom-of-the-line health insurance will not cover it. I also have some trauma from being to one once when I was younger. We are poor and I’m about to be an even poorer student in just over a month. I don’t know if this is all TMI but I needed to share my experience over this with people who hopefully can understand. 
 

thank you 

 

[Jeffrey Roberts]

Dear AnnaRose,

Thank you for sharing your story. You have endured a lot since your were young. The story reminds me of myself and having to endure constipation and using suppositories and mineral oil as a child to move things along. I can tell you that things do get easier as you get older and you take more control of your health.

I truly understand that accessing a gastroenterologist is not easy for you. Could you work with your family doctor to try some of the medications for IBS-C and chronic idiopathic constipation? There are quite a few options now and hopefully with a pharmaceutical assistance program you can gain access to them.

Medical trauma and PTSD is something that was new to me when it was described by a GI Psychologist. I recognize now that I had "professional" situations which I still carry to this day and haunt me at times. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.

Jeff